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7 Tips to Live Cheap

Tips to Live Cheap

It’s easy living cheap. Just follow these simple tips to live cheap!

(Originally published in Reglar Wiglar #28.)

#1 Get a Restaurant Gig

One way to ensure daily nourishment is to get a gig in a restaurant. Doesn’t matter what kind of restaurant, 4-star or freakin’ Subway. You will be able to stuff your face every shift if you’re clever and parasites are nothing if not clever. Back of the house (dishwashers, prep and line cooks, etc) is better for free eats. It’s usually harder for waitstaff, especially when owners pit the front of the house (servers, bussers, bartenders) against the back making everyone the enemy. Don’t fall for it. Manja! Manja!

If you are a server/bartender, you can get a hookup if you “feed” the cooks in return. This can come in the form of booze or cash

tips, whichever you feel more comfortable with. The undiscerning disher can also take advantage of the neverending bus tub buffet. Yeah, it’s exactly what you think it is. Yum! If you work in a restaurant and you leave hungry at the end of your shift, you deserve to starve. Coward! Take what’s yours.

#2 Don’t Have Kids

Shorties cost tall cash, so wrap that rascal. Pop the pill. Coitus interrupt yourselves, youngsters. Don’t go forth and multiply if you ain’t got the cash. If you’ve already done gone ahead and had offspring, you HAVE to take care of them, so do that. Too late for you. If you have kids you don’t live with and you don’t pay child support you suck. Judge Judy will deal harshly with you and you’ll deserve it.

#3 Buy Used Stuff

Don’t buy new shit. Ever. New duds, dishware, flatware (forks, knives, spoons) glassware, electronics, furniture: buy it secondhand and get huge savings. Huge! Don’t like the word “used”? How does “pre-owned” grab you? Repeat: Don’t buy new ever. Undergarments and socks, OK fine, big box retail that stuff, but for everything else hit up the Village Thrift, St. Vinny’s, or the Salvation Army. Stay out of those fancy pants vintage stores though. They jack up the price for their “pre-owned” duds.

And don’t forget to hit the alleys on moving day. My friend Holly Hookworm scored a mattress from the alley last week. It’s disgusting, sure, but it’s better than sleeping on the floor.

Drawing of an SUV beside a sign the reads Moron.

#4 Don’t Buy A Car/Sell Your Car

Wanna make your preciously puny paycheck go further? Sell that heap you ride around in. Ditch that hoopty. Ride the friggin’ bus or train or whatever passes for public transportation in your town. Better yet, get a good cheap bike, Bucko. And get a helmet. People who drive hate us bike-riding scum and try to run us over all the time. Rude! If you must own an auto, think small because the bigger your car, the dumber you are. But don’t do that because cars suck. Let me put it in bullet points for you:

• Gas sucks

• Car insurance sucks

• Repairs suck

•Parking and speeding tickets suck

Some d-bag scraping up your paint job in the ALDI parking lot sucks

Was that helpful?

Compact car beside a sign that says Genius

#5 Credit Cards

Credit card companies are hands down, the most evilest of all hustlers. Damn them all to hell forever! Store cards especially. You think 21 percent interest is messed up? It is. Pay cash.

#6 Drink Bad Beer/Do Free Stuff

Drink bad beer. It builds character. Avoid the pricey hipster suds that taste like skunk weed bong water. Also, do free stuff. Free music shows, free days at museums, neighborhood festivals, and stuff that happens in public parks. Do that stuff and not ripoff rock concerts with hefty ticket prices and processing fees. Also, take long walks to… wherever.

#7 Buy Generic

Do I really need to tell you to not buy name brand anything? I do? OK, don’t buy that shit. Buy store brand always. Except for mac and cheese. I strayed once and regretted it. Never again.

BONUS TIP: Live with a Bunch of People

When parasites stick together, we can’t lose. It is so much, much cheaper to live in a den filled with unwashed rent-paying heathens than to go it alone. Studio apartments are a ripoff. They’re expensive and tiny. If you hate other people, go live in the woods. It’s harder to spend money that way.

I hope this helps all of you little parasites out there. Keep sucking!

Learn More

Sucky has much more to teach you, boys and girls. Read his advice on how to work while hungover. It’ll make you puke!

Eddie & The Cruisers Soundtrack

Post author By admin
Post date February 27, 2025
Categories In Music Reviews, Used Records & Tapes
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The following Eddie & The Cruisers Soundtrack album review by William Patrick Tandy was published in Used Records & Tapes #5 [2025, RoosterCow Press]

Eddie & The Cruisers Soundtrack Album Review

My old man was stationed in Cape May, New Jersey, at the Coast Guard Training Center when Eddie and the Cruisers entered heavy rotation on a fledgling cable network called Home Box Office. The 1983 sleeper tells the story of a fictional Jersey Shore bar band that implodes on the brink of early-‘60s stardom with the disappearance of its enigmatic leader.

Why a family of our comfortable but modest means living in government-subsidized housing had HBO at that time I can’t say; for all I know, it came with the frame. In any case, the network presumably got its money’s worth, playing the hell out of Eddie day and night for months on end, in the process turning a box-office dud into a beloved cult classic. At nine, I pedaled up Pennsylvania Avenue to the on-base PX and dropped my entire allowance on the soundtrack — the first album I ever bought.

Based on P.F. Kluge’s 1980 novel of the same name, Eddie and the Cruisers is a small, character-driven piece by the blockbuster standard of its day, inhabited by a barely known Tom Berenger, Ellen Barkin, Joe Pantoliano, and, in the titular role, newcomer Michael Paré. Director Martin Davidson draws just as much presence from his tapestry of South Jersey backdrops — most notably, Tony Mart’s legendary Somers Point nightclub, where Levon and the Hawks were playing their summer ‘65 residency when folksinger Bob Dylan called with his decision to go electric.

But the Fourth Estate to Eddie’s story, setting, and talent is the soundtrack, arguably the most vital component of any great rock ‘n’ roll movie. Davidson tapped singer/songwriter/producer Kenny Vance of Jay and the Americans fame to serve as the film’s music supervisor. Rhode Island natives John Cafferty and the Beaver Brown Band had nearly a decade on the East Coast bar circuit to their name when Vance enlisted them to bring the Cruisers’ sound to life.

The resulting soundtrack is a wonderfully anachronistic brew of early I-IV-V rock standards (“Runaround Sue”), gritty, blue-collar soul (“Tender Years”), and guitar-driven angst (“Season in Hell (Fire Suite)”) befitting a pre-Beatles bar band ahead of its time. Its breakout hit, “On the Dark Side”, put Cafferty and Beaver Brown (named for the paint color of the band’s early practice space) on the national radar, peaking at No. 7 on the Billboard Hot 100 in August 1984. Across the album’s 33 minutes, Cafferty’s lyrics ably straddle the chasm between the sun-kissed romance of youth (“Gears are power-shiftin’ down the old escape road / All the kids are dancin’ as the jockey spins gold / Everybody’s fakin’ that they’ll never grow old”) and the smoldering siren’s call of something more (“Love is a fire, burning / And I want to burn”).

The film intertwines with its soundtrack in unusual ways. Beaver Brown saxophonist Michael “Tunes” Antunes pulls double duty onscreen as Cruisers sax-man Wendell Newton. The Brooklyn-born Vance, who lends his own doo-wop bona fides to tracks like “Those Oldies But Goodies (Remind Me of You)”, also appears in the movie, as Lew Eisen, the Satin Records executive who does not share in Eddie’s creative vision for the band.

As for Cafferty, fans and critics alike have long drawn thematic and stylistic comparisons to a better-known contemporary: Jersey’s own Bruce Springsteen. Indeed, both men cut their musical teeth in the same Salt Belt honkytonks founded on weekend dreams and shift-work despair. Still, being the voice of Eddie Wilson undoubtedly proved a mixed blessing for John Cafferty. While the movie undeniably brought him wider fame and further film work (including Cobra, Rocky IV, and the 1989 sequel Eddie and the Cruisers II: Eddie Lives!), his plaintive masculinity, for many, continues to conjure images of Paré’s brooding Jersey Shore greaser.

Today, 40 years and a three-hour drive stand between me and that small Jersey Shore town where I bought my first record. Yet, over time, Eddie and the Cruisers has become so much more for me. Of the hundreds, perhaps thousands of albums I’ve purchased over the last four decades, it stands as the only one that I’ve bought on every format that’s come down the pike since — a personal touchstone, of sorts, a direct conduit between who I was and who I am today.

Thank you for reading this Eddie & The Cruisers Soundtrack album review. Go back to the blog page!

About William Patrick Tandy

William Patrick Tandy grew up in various locations along the New Jersey Shore, including Manahawkin, Long Beach Island, Ocean City, and Cape May. He has published the award-winning Smile, Hon, You’re in Baltimore! series as well as the storytelling zine Fire Pit under his own imprint, Eight-Stone Press. A graduate of Southern Regional High School, he holds a bachelor’s degree in communications from Stockton University.

The Cars Album Review

Post author By admin
Post date February 26, 2025
Categories In Music Reviews, Used Records & Tapes
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The following Cars album review review by Chris Auman was published in Used Records & Tapes #1 [RoosterCow Press]

Cars Album Review

Santa dropped some good vinyl on me one Xmas way back in the day (I imagine the albums were purchased at the downtown Ben Franklin, but that’s mere speculation.)

At the time, I hadn’t really progressed much past a Queen fixation. It was pretty much all Queen all the time, actually. So, in what was possibly 1984 or 1985, I got a handful of records which would help get my teenaged brain branching out into different directions.

One of the albums I received was The Cars self-titled debut album, ironically enough, produced by Roy Thomas Baker who put the sheen on many a Queen platter.

Despite only getting hip to this record in the mid-1980s, The Cars actually came out in 1978. The album went double platinum just a few days shy of its one-year anniversary and was still a big seller years later. The Cars followed up with a strong sophomore effort with Candy-O in 1979 and continued to deliver solid albums throughout the ‘80s.

Dominating Debut

Talk about debuts that dominate, this Boston band could have packed it all in after one record and they still would have achieved legendary status. As it was, they didn’t and therefore were able to set the tone for the coming decade and their dominance of it. Like their contemporaries, The Police and The Pretenders, The Cars had great songs and deserved their spot on the top of the heap.

The album kicks off with a plea to “Let the Good Times Roll” — a mid-tempo, cool, hooky tune with plenty of backing vocals Roy Thomas Baker was no doubt quite comfortable with. The lyrics also contain the line, “let them brush your rock and roll hair” which Rob Pollard may wish he would have thought of first. That song would set the template for the rest of the record.

“My Best Friend’s Girlfriend” is a new wave doo-wop tune, followed by “Just What I Needed,” the third perfect pop song in a row resulting in three shots at the charts.

Doncha Stop

The A-side ends with “Don’t Cha Stop” which advises not stopping something if this particular something makes you feel good. Perhaps not the best advice in all situations, but it depends entirely on context.

While Ocasek’s geeky cool and lean and lanky look is a big part of the visual appeal of The Cars, and Ric is generally thought of as the leader of the band, bassist Benjamin Orr (born Orzechowski) supplies a more crooning style on three of the albums best tracks, “Moving in Stereo,” “Bye Bye Love,” and “Just What I Needed.”

It is Ocasek who takes almost all the writing credits on the LP, with only Hawkes credited as co-writer for “Moving in Stereo”.

“You’re All I’ve Got Tonight” is another great track that kicks off the B-side. As a side note, despite knowing the song title, for the longest time I thought the chorus was “You don’t like God tonight,” which would be a much darker song. In retrospect, it’s hard to believe that I could have ever misheard those lyrics and will chalk it up to the morbidity of a teenaged brain and forced Catholicism.

Bye Bye Love

“Bye Bye Love” has one of my favorite Cars lines, “it’s an orangy sky, always it’s some other guy.” “I’m In Touch with Your World” is an alien-themed song commonly found on new wave albums.

The Cars was a band of musicians, not rock stars. Elliot Easton was a precise lead guitar player whose solos were short, to the point, and so far removed from wankery as to be understated and perhaps underappreciated as a result.

Greg Hawkes had a mustache that no doubt tickled the ladies as nicely as he tickled the keys and Ex-Modern lover David Robinson is as solid on the kit as a pop-rock drummer gets.

It’s not surprising Ocasek produced Weezer’s debut as that band was The Cars of the 90s in many ways, not the least of which is the ability to write one hell of a catchy hook. A New Cars would put a tour together without their leader and David Robinson.

The Cars apparently released a record of originals with Ocasek in 2011 which I am only learning about now. Orr died in 2000 of pancreatic cancer.

Thank you for reading this Cars album review. Go back to the blog page!

Donald Trump on Black Flag

Post author By admin
Post date February 11, 2025

Drawing of Trump with a mullet — Drawing by Chris Auman

Longtime readers may recall that before he was elected POTUS (the first time), Donald Trump wrote record reviews for the Reglar Wiglar. Now that he is out of the White House, we asked The Donald if he would return to his old post. Amazingly he agreed to share his thoughts on the iconic American hardcore band Black Flag. (Oh and if you’re interested in what Trump thinks of Metallica’s killer debut album, go here.)

Best Black Flag Album: Damaged

I’ve said this publicly, you can go and check, Damaged is the best Black Flag album. I’ve gotten a lot of credit for saying that. I’ve had big, powerful skinheads — big, tough guys — come up to me with tears in their eyes and say, “Thank you, sir, thank you for saying that Damaged is the best Black Flag record.” Biden thinks Live ‘84 is better and it’s a disgrace.

Drawing of Trump and fast food — Drawing by Mike Dixon

Best Black Flag Song: “American Waste”

Dez sings very strongly on this one. Very powerfully. “American Waste” is what was going on in this country when I became president and I changed that. We had the best economy in the history of the world and then came the plague from China and it never should have happened. And I won’t forget it.

Best Black Flag Singer: Henry Rollins

Some people say Keith, some people say Dez, some people say Ron. I say Henry, OK? For me, Henry sings very powerfully. Very strongly. You need that in a singer, especially in hardcore, you need somebody who’s tough.

Drawing of Trump and KFC — Drawing by Mike Dixon

Best Black Bass Player: Chuck Dukowski

Chuck plays very strongly. Very powerfully. I can relate to that. Kira? Not a fan. Nasty woman. People have said that if I played bass I would be a very good bass player because I would play very strongly. I like that. Maybe I’ll play bass. Never saw Black Flag, no. I imagine the audience would smell very strongly. Can you see me and Melania at a Black

Best Black Flag Live Show: —-

Flag show? I don’t think so.

Best Black Flag Drummer: Bill Stevenson

Definitely not Robo. He came here illegally. If he would have gone back to Colombia, or wherever, and come here legally then I would consider Robo. But Bill, Bill plays very strong, very powerful drums. I like Bill’s powerful drums.

Drawing of Trump's Mar-a-lago Club — Drawing by Mike Dixon

Best Black Flag Guitar Player: Greg Ginn

Greg Ginn, no question. Great businessman too.

Black Flag Member Ivanka Should Marry After Divorcing Current Husband:

How about none of them, OK? Great band though. Really fantastic for what they did. Very successful for that type of music, hardcore, but no, Ivanka would never marry a loser.

Donald Trump Reviews Metallica

Post author By admin
Post date February 11, 2025
Categories In Music Reviews

The Reglar Wiglar caught up with the Donald at Mar-a-Lago where he shared his feelings about one of his favorite bands, Metallica.

This review was originally published in Reglar Wiglar #28 available from the RoosterCow Store.

Donald Trump Reviews Metallica: Overview

Just some terrific riffs on this record. Very, very heavy. Cliff Burton was a really, really nice guy — he looked like a total loser, but really, really nice. Great singing from James too. Really good. Look at the band photo on this album. These guys are kids. Look at all those zits. Jeez. I never had bad skin. I was really, really lucky. Always good with the ladies. I wasn’t a loser like these guys.

Hit the Lights

Really great guitar solo from Kurt on this one. Kurt Hammett, I mean, his hair in ’83… is it Kurt or Kirk? It’s Kirk. That’s what I thought. He looks like one of Melania’s poodles with that hair. Completely ridiculous, but a really great solo. Really, really terrific.

The Four Horsemen

I don’t know what this song means. Four Horsemen? But it’s really, really terrific. These guys went on to make a lot of money. A lot of money. Not as much as me, but a lot of money. Motorbreath I’ve never had motorbreath. I don’t know what it is. Maybe Dee Snider can tell you, I don’t know. I’m kidding. Dee is great.

Jump in the Fire

When you’re in business, you have to jump in the fire, right? I know I’ve jumped in the fire. I know George has jumped in the fire. Terrific vocals. Really, really good.

(Anesthesia) Pulling Teeth

Is there no singing on this? Not a very good business decision, no vocals. Not very, very smart. I would never do a song with no vocals, but I don’t know, maybe they knew what they were doing. Is this just a bass solo? No, wait, there’s some drums. Lars, now that guy gets it. That Napster thing, suing fans? That’s smart business. Whiplash I can’t bang my head like these guys. If Ivanka ever dated one of these heavy metal guys, I don’t know. I’d be very, very upset, but she wouldn’t do that, because she’s smart.

Phantom Lord

I don’t know what that is, Phantom Lord? Is that a Lord of the Rings thing? Like Hobbits? I don’t know. I never read those books. Some people like them. George likes them, but I don’t know. Not my thing.

No Remorse

In business, you have to have no remorse. You can’t have remorse. I can relate to this. I am very, very good at business. I make deals worth millions of dollars and you can’t have remorse. I love this song.

Seek & Destroy

Seek and destroy is what you have to do in business. I’ve seeked and destroyed my opponents in business. I have made a lot of money making really, really good business decisions. Seek and destroy. I kinda like that.

Metal Militia

I don’t know about metal militia. Militias are protected in the Constitution, I believe. Metal militias, I don’t know. Sounds like something Obama would like. Doesn’t sound American to me.

Thank you for reading Donald Trump Reviews Metallica! Read more reviews here.

Phone Etiquette Tips

Post author By admin
Post date February 10, 2025
Categories In Parasite Life

Do you know proper phone etiquette, young person? Back in the old days, the whole entire point of a phone was something to blab into while another person blabbed back on the other end.

Nowadays, phones are used to do so many more completely annoying things like sexting and doing the socials.

Despite these modern “improvements”, it never hurts to brush up on phone etiquette. So, don’t be rude, read Bastige Von Curr’s tips on Proper Phone Etiquette.

Receiving a Wrong Number Call

When receiving a wrong number phone call, it is important to hang up immediately on the other person.

The instant you determine that the call was made in error, whether by the foreign-sounding accent of the caller or the fact that they’re asking for Joe and your name is Janet (or in my case Bastige Von Curr), you should angrily slam the receiver down and end that bullshit right there.

It should enrage you that someone could be so stupid as to mis-dial or get an incorrect number from a third party.

Of course, hanging up immediately before determining the cause of the error will many times force the person to call back to make sure they haven’t just dialed incorrectly.

This is your opportunity to get further enraged and hang up on this idiot a second and hopefully final time as they will have really gotten the message this time.

Dialing a Wrong Number

As soon as you’ve determined that you’ve dialed the wrong number because the schmuck on the other line is obviously not your buddy, Chet, hang up immediately.

You don’t need to apologize to some a-hole just because you made a mistake, and there’s no need to verify the number to make sure you have the correct one either. F ’em.

You can always redial, and if you get the same idiot again you can simply slam the phone down on them a second time. What are they gonna do, cry?

Phone Etiquette for Ordering Takeout

When ordering takeout from a restaurant, it’s really not necessary to take a look at the menu before you call in your order. There will be plenty of time to decide what you want once you’re on the phone.

This is especially important when you are ordering for a large group of people. The stooge taking your phone order is more than likely a big loser with nothing better to do than to spend ten minutes on the phone with you while you and your obnoxious buddies figure out what you want.

And if you don’t have a menu from that particular restaurant, no problem. The poor schmuck will be happy to describe every entree on the menu in great detail. Feel free to ask what their favorite dish is as well as what the most popular menu items are, how they’re prepared, with what ingredients, etc, etc, etc.

Get a quick rundown on the price of each menu item as well. You are entitled to as much information as you demand. Ask how long your order will take. If they say twenty minutes, arrive at the restaurant in five and act all put out and impatient.

Say something really clever like, “What are they killing the cow back there?” The restaurant drones will think that this is funny as they will have never heard that joke before. Don’t tip them either. They make plenty of money, believe me.

Ordering Delivery

When ordering food for delivery, don’t worry about having your credit card ready. Is it upstairs in your other purse? Is it out in the car? That’s ok, go get it, they’ll wait, after all, they want your business. It doesn’t matter that they may be busy. Take your time.

See previous section for Bastige Von Curr’s Tips for Ordering Take Out, then apply the following techniques for delivery. After you’ve finished ordering, but before they have a chance to give you the total, ask for the total.

Act all surprised at the price. Ask for a break down then tell them you still don’t see how that adds up to the price they’ve given you. Take your time, let the information sink in. “Ahhh, the tax, I forgot about the tax!!! Because there are taxes on everything these days. HAHAHAHA!!!”

If they tell you that your delivery will be about an hour, repeat that back in a shocked voice, “An hour!?” It’s just an estimate of course, and there’s no way they can tell you exactly when it will arrive, but tell them that if they could get it there sooner, you’d appreciate it.

They may have said an hour, but don’t bother looking at your watch to see when you called. Listen to your stomach instead. If your fat gut tells you your pizza should have arrived by now, don’t hesitate to call up the restaurant and demand to know where your food is. Be a dick about it and demand to know exactly where the driver is and the exact minute he or she will arrive.

What? They don’t have a GPS tracking device on your 12-dollar-bag of take-out? They’re not tracking your meatball sandwich with a satellite? A-holes! Demand a discount.

Now You Know Proper Phone Etiquette. You’re Welcome!

Thank you for reading. Please keep in mind that the views of Bastige Von Curr, as right-on as they may be, do not reflect the views of the Reglar Wiglar, even though you would think they would since we are the ones publishing them, but you know, we gotta say they’re not for some reason. At least that’s what our lawyer, Jim Willy, Jr., Esq, has advised us to say.

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GNR Lies Album Review

Post author By admin
Post date February 9, 2025
Categories In Music Reviews, Used Records & Tapes

The following GNR Lies album review was published in Used Records & Tapes #1 [RoosterCow Press]

Guns n Roses GNR Lies Album Review

In the late ‘80s and early ‘90s, Guns and Roses was the biggest band in the world. And they weren’t whiney little twits like Billy Corgan either. They were nasty, dirty, drunken, drugged out, impolite rock stars. They could also be clownish buffoons and in Axl’s case, a gigantic, megalomaniac a-hole.

In 1988, however, they were still getting a pass. When GN’R Lies came out in 1988, it sold 10 million copies. That’s pretty good for a bad record.

Perhaps bad is a bit strong, but it certainly was no Appetite for Destruction. And it shouldn’t be treated as a legitimate full-length release either, seeing how it was a cobbled-together placeholder to placate fans and make some dough while GNR toured the world placating fans and making dough.

GNR Lies Side G

The G Side (presumably the Guns side) of GNR Lies features the four tracks that comprised the 1986 EP, Live ?!*@ Like a Suicide.

The sad truth about Live Like a Suicide (we’ll dispense with the ?!*@ from here on out because it’s silly and makes no sense) is that it was NOT recorded live like a suicide. It is, in fact, a studio recording with crowd noise dubbed in. This hardly mattered to fans in 1988 and is awesome now as a testament to how ridiculous GNR could be.

“Reckless Life” and “Nice Boys” are similar hard-driving odes to the degenerate lifestyle espoused by these hard-edged glam rockers. “Move to the City” features a horn section and hits on a theme young Axl would return to countless times: a hick from the sticks moves to the Big City a.k.a. The Jungle.

“This is a song about your f*cking mother” announces Axl at the start of the Steven Tyler-penned tune, “Mama Kin”, which closes out Side G. The fictitious crowd especially enjoys this number. They must be Aerosmith fans—hell, for all we know this crowd noise was taken from an Aerosmith concert! Wouldn’t that be ironical?

GNR Lies Side R

Then there’s the R side (for Roses). This shows that the band can lay it down acoustically (hard rockers with a tender side) as is evidenced on the drippy “Patience”—Axl at his cartoonish best.

Things turn ugly (or hilarious depending on your perspective on murder) with “Used to Love Her”—not the first murder ballad ever written but certainly guaranteed to cause controversy.

The third track is a pointless, acoustic version of “You’re Crazy” from the Appetite record and then the coup de grace: “One in a Million.” Axl lets his red neck shine brightly on a return to the hick-in-the-city theme. In this piece, Axl calls out “immigrants and f****ts” for not making sense to him, what with the different languages and all. “It’s all Greek to me,” Axl observes with a bit of ironic wit not seen in a GNR song since “Turn around bitch I got a use for you” on “It’s So Easy” in ‘87. Axl also advises “police and n****rs” to get away from him as he will not be needing any gold chains at this point in time.

For complete lyrics to this tune, maybe you could ask John Rocker. I’m sure he has them burned into his frontal lobe if not tattooed on his ass.

Rolling Stone gave GNR Lies four out of five stars in their 1989 review, citing the release as proof of GNR’s sustainability and calling ‘One In a Million’ a “beautiful ballad” with Axl’s homophobic and anti-immigrant spiel “tempered with something that sounds oddly like compassion.”

Yes, Axl Rose may be a complete tool, but Rolling Stone built the toolbox.—Chris Auman

Thank you for reading this GNR Lies album review. You can go home now!

A Flock of Seagulls Album Review

Post author By admin
Post date February 8, 2025
Categories In Music Reviews, Used Records & Tapes

The following A Flock of Seagulls album review was published in Used Records & Tapes #1 [RoosterCow Press]

Haircuts aside, A Flock of Seagulls is an underrated band. Wait, hold on a minute, I know what you’re thinking (or shouting loudly): “Are you out of your ever-loving mind?” Perhaps, but please hear me out. Haircuts and pop culture references aside, what do you really know about A Flock of Seagulls?

Let’s review. You may remember the relentless heavy rotation of the “I Ran” video in MTV’s infancy when the budding network didn’t have a whole hell of a lot of videos to choose from. You are no doubt familiar with the ad-lib made by Samuel L. Jackson in Pulp Fiction: “You, Flock of Seagulls, you know why we’re here?” You may have even seen the Bands Reunited episode on VH1 in 2004 which sought to reassemble the original flock.

A Flock of Seagulls Album Review

But haircuts, pop culture references, and VH1 TV shows aside, what do you really know about A Flock of Seagulls? I mean really know about them?

That’s what I thought. Now, I am not here to educate anyone on the career of these synthy Liverpudlians. My only point is that they are actually an underrated group and not so deserving of the joke band status that has been tossed to them like so many crumbs on the pier.

Their 1982 self-titled debut album, Flock of Seagulls is actually, surprisingly enjoyable. Paul Reynolds is an ace guitar player and the ten songs on this record are catchy, danceable pop tunes that stand right up with some of the best of that genre at that time.

A Flock of Seagulls album review cover drawing — A Flock of Seagulls is a concept album about an alien invasion via the telly.

I Ran So Far Away

The album’s opener is the straight-up hit “I Ran”, sometimes listed as “I Ran (So Far Away)”, but there are deeper cuts. “Space Age Love Song” has a simple beat, sparse guitar, and occasional video-game synth blasts. “Modern Love is Automatic” has a great guitar line reminiscent of Magazine (another often-overlooked band).

“Telecommunication” likewise is a great pop song in a time when the word ‘telecommunication’ had a somewhat futuristic ring to it. The bouncy pop of the instrumental “D.N.A.” is rather infectious and “Messages” features a propulsive bass line and a one-word chorus that bears repeating.

The album isn’t completely without fluff. “You Can Run” sounds like a weak Gary Numan track sung by a less confident Howard Devoto.

A Flock of Seagulls & The Alien Invasion via TV

Interestingly, allegedly, the record is a concept album concerning the invasion of an alien species through television sets or some such rubbish as that.

Anyway, now that I have totally convinced you that A Flock of Seagulls is an underrated band, go buy this record in whatever futuristic format suits your fancy. You won’t be disappointed (not a guarantee). —Chris Auman

Thank you for reading this A Flock of Seagulls album review. You can go home now!

Comics by Fran Lopez

Post author By admin
Post date January 27, 2025

I recently became acquainted with a few comics by Fran Lopez. If you don’t know, Fran López is a cartoonist and musician from Buenos Aires, Argentina now living in New York. That’s what he says anyway and I have no reason to doubt the veracity of his claims. The comics of Fran Lopez, I have read, are 5.5” x 8.5” 28-page books printed in black and white.

Each title contains fantastical short stories that may or not be connected to each other. Each dabbles in a bit of magical realism. Or at least suggests that things are not what they seem in an alien sort of way. Lopez’s style is clean lines with short almost morse code pen jabs. This creates a feeling of inanimate objects being slightly animated. As a bonus, each book comes with a risograph print of Fran’s artwork.

Must Be A Happening

Must Be a Happening contains two separate stories. The first, “Something Else,” is about a mysterious horse head that appears in the streets of a small, probably fictitious village. “One Thousand Days” is a space traveler’s diary of his time on a distant planet. What happens on the one-thousandth day? No spoiler alerts here.

Buy Must Be a Happening by Fran Lopez from the RoosterCow Store.

Fascination comic by Fran Lopez

Fascination also features two comic tales relateing to each other in a way that has not been fully revealed. That’s what imaginations are for. “Have YOU Tried the Intergalactic Flavor of Comet Cookies?” stars a woman who is recognized in public as the star of some long ago cookie commercial. Things get weird soon after. “Waiting” is about an otherworldly newborn in an incubator and a mother who is waiting for a certain day to come. Buy Fascination by Fran Lopez from the RoosterCow Store.

Still Making Your Diary Comics?

Still Making Your Diary Comics? concerns a cartoonist who finds himself in a creative rut. He once again, turns to mining his life for material. “Write about what you know”, they say. What the protagonist knows, however, is alien babies. Includes a risograph print.

Buy Still Making Your Diary Comics? by Fran Lopez from the RoosterCow Store.

Read 10 Questions with Comics Artist Fran Lopez!

Reglar Wiglar Website Relaunch

Post author By admin
Post date January 23, 2025

The Reglar Wiglar website relaunch happened, people, but don’t call it a comeback. The Reglar Wiglar website has been here for years. The print zine still exists too. And the blogger site is still a thing, although it would be a stretch to say it’s active. It is not active as a matter of fact. Not very, anyway.

Speaking of The Reglar Wiglar Blog, 2025 marks the 20th anniversary of that particular account on that particular platform. You can read the greatest hits of that blog in Reglar Wiglar #26, although supplies of this issue are running low.

At any rate, my point is the RW website is still here. Last year, after a few decades of learning and using Adobe Dreamweaver to create buggy pages, I moved the site to a WordPress platform and here it is.

I can’t promise to stick to any consistent publishing schedule, but I do plan on posting new interviews with comics artists, zine makers, musicians, and other creators, so check back often.

If you’re interested in learning more about the digital history of this zine, read on!

This History of the Reglar Wiglar Online

The first Reglar Wiglar website launched way back in the late 1990s with the impossibly complicated domain name http://members.aol.com/wiglar/index.html (go ahead and click it, I dare yah). There were other impossible-to-remember domain names as well.

Electronic History of the Reglar Wiglar

1996 Reglar Wiglar gets its first email address, [email protected], which was changed to [email protected] in 1997 for some reason.

1998 The first website is uploaded to the Internets. It mostly consisted of a homepage, an image of the RW#8 cover (which took a ridiculously long time to load via dial-up), and almost no links.

2001 A new hosting provider was found resulting in a new easy-to-remember web address: home.earthlink.net/~wiglar.

2002 The domain reglarwiglar.com was officially registered.

2005 The Reglar Wiglar blog debuted and featured many inside jokes and now-broken links to bored-at-work content and probably Myspace profiles.

200? Speaking of Myspace, there was undoubtedly a Myspace account created at some point.

2020 Well over 1,400 posts have been published with over 150,000 views (probably not a good 15-year stat, but whatevs)

2025 Will the blog survive into a new decade? Probably not, but, as I’ve mentioned several times, the website is still a thing that exists in the world.

From the Intro of Reglar Wiglar #26 Print Zine

In 2005, Myspace was sputtering as Facebook had begun its ascendancy. Weblogs had been a thing for almost a decade but Google’s purchase of the Blogger platform in 2003 really gave it a kick in the pants and allowed any schmo the chance to set up a blog and start publishing in a matter of minutes. Not ones to sit idly by whilst the bandwagon rumbles past, RW jumped on in 2005 when Soggy Sprinkles set up the Reglar Wiglar blog, titled The Reglar Wiglar Electronic Text-Based Humor Simulator with the subtitle “& New & Reviews Depository (Warning: May Include Poetry)”.

From the first post on March 25 of that year “If there’s such a thing as an anti-climatic beginning this could be it. I’m sure it’s going to be a lot of fun or something.” That bit of pseudo-hipster cynicism would be a central theme of the blog until present times.

For the intellectually curious, the Reglar Wiglar blog still exists, but for how long is anyone’s guess. To celebrate 15 years of incredibly sporadic postings, here are the “best” blog posts of the last decade and a half.

As always, I hope you get a good swift kick out of it.

So cynical. What resulted was many posts. Apologies to the Chicago Reader who unknowingly paid me to post these pointless missives while sitting in front of a computer screen as the classified advertising business dried up and died before our very eyes. Sad. The blog still exists. Blogger still exists. It’s likely a graveyard for similar ideas.