CAUGHT SLIPPING DEPT.
An Open Letter to People Who Think Slipping on a Banana Peel Is Funny
For too long we have been amused by the image of some clueless schmuck strolling care-free down the street only to slip hilariously on a banana peel. While this may result in peals of laughter, the reality of this comic gag is not so funny. Last year in the US, 556 people were killed or seriously injured after slipping on banana peels that were carelessly discarded on the sidewalk by thoughtless jerks. As a result of stepping on stray fruit wrappers, these unsuspecting jamokes had both legs swept out from underneath them in comic fashion, causing them to land hard on their backsides resulting in painful bruising to their gluteus maximus.
The rise in banana consumption and cell phone usage has further increased these peel-related injuries and fatalities. At B.A.N.A.N.A. (Banana Action to Never Allow Negligent Accidents) in cooperation with H.A.H.A. (Hilarious Association to Halt Accidents), we encourage everyone to do their part. We urge you to dispose of ALL banana peels in the proper waste receptacles. To gag writers and cartoonists, we implore you to stop glorifying this hysterically funny pratfall.
We seek to emulate the success of the Institute for N.U.T.S. (No Unfair Testicle Strikes) which has made tremendous strides in preventing airborne objects from striking men in the pelvic region thereby triggering intense discomfort and forcing us to literally LOL. Let us work together for a safer, less hilarious future.
Jonathan Bananaman,
Chief Banana Statistician for B.A.N.A.N.A.