Anything can happen and it probably just did.
July/August 1994
VOLUME ONE NUMBER THREE
Table of Contents
This is the table of contents:
Table of contents — yer lookin’ at it
An Interview with Annie Baldwell by Jane Wayne
I Wish They All Could Be California Riot Grrrls!
Interview w/ The Vag Girls
Whose Your Favorite Rock Star?
Researched by Joey Germ
Zima With A Z by Tom Ziegler
Literary Supplement
Masthead
Editor and Chef
Christopher P. Auman
Contributing Editors
Joey Germ, Lollipop
Art Direction and Layout
Joey Germ
Contributing Writers
Tom Ziegler, P.C. Jones, Larry Leffert, Malcolm Tent, Muggsy McMurphy, Scat in the Hat
Copy Editor
Magdalena Babblejack
Legal Counsel
Jim Willie Jr., Esq.
Public Relations
Mickey “I Wasn’t Doin’ Nuthin'” Battaglia
Special Thanks To
Tyler Meyers, Nancy Kerrigan, Bruce Noodleman, J.J. Jartapp, Felton Knobbly, Chomps and Digger, Sara Dora Hiphoray
No Thanks To
Blanche Pubis (my mom’s got a name for girls like you)
Reglar Wiglar is published whimsically, by Christopher P. Auman. Copyright ©1994 Big Little Bucharest Productions.
Any material printed in this publication may be reproduced if you so choose. All opinions and ideas expressed in this publication are the authors’ own fucked-up opinions and ideas and therefore entirely their own problem. Any similarities to people dead or dying was probably done just to wig you out.*
All typos in this publication were intentional and were not edited in order to preserve the artistic spirit under which they were created.
Send large sums of cash or anything tasteful to Reglar Wiglar cl o Chris Auman P.O. Box
5 7 8174 Chicago, IL 6065 7 no promises, no guarantees, include an SASE, please.
* dig it, most of the stuff in this rag, jest ain’t true, ed.
Idiotorial
It seems like the Reglar Wiglar is all you hear about these days. People in the clubs, on the street, even on the subway trains, are all talking about the Reglar Wiglar. They’re saying it’s thee hippest, coolest, cutting edgiest, most alternative grungy-type magazine around. Truth be told, we here at Wiglar HQ are a little embarrassed by all the attention; but that’s not going to stop us from continuing to bring you the kind of hardcore journalism, in-depth record and film reviews, insightful editorials, and of course plenty of what has become known around town as the “Wiglar Interview”, considered to be quite a prestigious honor among several local artists and at least one musician.
As for the Reglar Wiglar Benefit and 2nd Issue Celebration Party at the China Club … none of you showed. To those on the Reglar Wiglar mailing list, hey, my fault. I think I might have put the wrong date on the invitations. I thought for sure they were RSVP, which would have saved me one helluva headache, but I guess we do operate in a PDZ (Postal Danger Zone) according to that recent postal probe they did which would also explain why I haven’t gotten a Hustler in months.
The party, had anyone showed up, would’ve been a good time. There were many local celebs there, which weren’t cheap, and for legal reasons we can’t mention their names, because under their contracts we can’t use them as an endorsement for a magazine whose benefit party was not attended by one member of the general public-except my fucking cousin Dave was there.
We were also planning on running a photo essay of the whole sordid affair but we couldn’t afford to pay the photographer 20 bucks an hour, plus film and developing costs, to snap, photos of celebs mixing it up with absolutely nobody, except my fucking cousin Dave, who most of the local celebs found to be absolutely repulsive to at least three of the five senses.
Fuck it, these things happen and I just want you all to know that I hold nothing against any of you people who agreed to be on our mailing list, even if you purposely didn’t show up just to snub me and The Reglar Wiglar and to cost us piles of money that we could have used to cover the production costs we were trying to cover by having the benefit party in the goddamn first place! Get it? Benefit? Worthwhile cause? Hello? Are your brains turned on? Do you spend all your money on Fugazi CDs?\I am not bitter, nor am I spiteful nor do I believe in that “eye for an eye, pound of flesh”, mumbly jumbly. I simply hate all of you.\Anyway, we got some new shit in thi:s here Reglar Wiglar. Underground writer, poet and social commentator C. F. Buchanan has·agreed, posthumously, to let us reprint some of his provocative and relevant works of fiction, and a poem or two, in our new literary supplement ‘l(_ain ‘Drops. We have an interview with the reigning Queen of Rock, Annie Baldwell, conducted by the always intriguing, Jayne Wayne. There’s a new record review section focusing on local talent and we also have the first installments of Joey Germ’s most recent artistic foray. The rest is pretty much the same old bullshit for you nostalgia buffs so enjoy it ’cause ain’t none of us gonna be around forever.
Letters to the Editor
The Mail’s Here! The Mail’s Here!
Don’t you people have lives? I mean really!
Dear Wiglar,
Motherf*ckers, I was at that Insyuator show in Elgin and it totally blew. Little Muggsy Ass Kiss loved it, of course. He isn’t at all biased towards East Coast bands. Nooo, not Boot Lick McMurphy. If it’s from Jersey it’s gold, except for the one band that actually matters, the best band from Jersey or any of the other 52 states, Sin Nation Sinsation. Of course little Star Boy doesn’t like this band.
Why does your magazine constantly slag Sin Nation and Stone Temple Pilots? Why is Muggsy “I Hang Out With Rock Stars And Ask Them
Really Stupid Questions, Therefore I am Cool” McMurphy such a prick? Answer please.
Shawn Teflin, Barrington
Hey man,
You are out of line! Muggsy has feelings just like you and me. Well, feelings similar to you and me, and he deserves a little more respect. —Ed
* * * * * * * * *
Mr. Germ,
Yo man, was that you who was so drunk at the Smart Bar on May 13, that you embarrassingly hit on my girlfriend, puked all over your
shirt, burned yourself with a lit cigarette, passed out on the dance floor and wet your pants? ‘Cause it sure looked like yoµr stupid ass.
Carl Malloy, Bucktown
Yes, Mr. Malloy, twas I.
Joey Germ
* * * * * * * * *
Reg. Wig.,
I got your latest Reglar Wiglar. It is a very fine Issue with one minor. problem. Every time I hear my band (Schwah, RW #2) compared to either Smashing Pumpkins or Pearl Jam, I lapse into fits of suicidal
depression. That single sucks anyhow. Well, better luck next time. Enclosed are our nifty new Mono Cat 7 buttons. Wear them with pride. I must be going.
Arevadercheeeee.
Tim Davison
Mono Cat 7 Records
Cincinnati, OH
Mr. Davison,
Please read your review a little more carefully. I simply stated the fact that you have been compared to Smashing Pumpkins and Pearl Jam.
l, personally, did not make that erroneous comparison. I wouldn’t do that to anybody, unless of course it was true.
Muggsy McMurphy
Music Coordinator and guy who the mail and wrote the review in question
* * * * * * * * *
To the Publishers,
I noticed that B.S. Brown was listed as being a contributing writer for issue number two, yet I could find no by-line anywhere. I hope all is well with Mr. Brown. Did he get shit canned or something? I would hate to think what he might do had he any more free time on his hands.
Joseph Davenport Lakeview
Mr. Davenport,
Thank you for your concern about staff writer, Mr./Mrs./Miz Brown. Recent cuts in our budget have rendered Brown’s job obsolete. We regretted having to shit-can him/her as you suggested but his/her unwillingness to work for free left him/her no recompense but to be fired. Besides we really didn’t care too much for the crap that Mr. Brown tried to pass off as music journalism.
Sincerely,
Christopher P. Auman
* * * * * * * * *
Hey,
I’ve read the first couple issues of your zine and it’s really cool! So, I’ve finally gotten around to sending you an issue of my zine #2 of Steve Albini Thinks We Suck! Number three should be out some time next month, if all goes if all goes according to plan which it probably won’t. Anyway, here’s my zine, I hope you like it. Can’t wait to see the next Reglar Wiglar.
Mo Ryan
Andersonville
Thanks, Mo,
We always like gettin’ free stuff in the mail and we also enjoyed havin’ a little chuckle at the expense of The Great One Steve Albini.
If any of youze guys out there haven’t seen Steve Albini Thinks We Suck layin’ around somewhere, you could probably drop Mo a lineat 1651 Catalpa she just might send yah one fer 52 cents or so.
Maybe, one of you’ze could write the Reglar Wiglar a letter too. It would certainly be nice ta hear from yah.
Send letters, post cards, or candygrams to Reglar Wiglar, P.O. Box XXXXX Chgo. IL 60657, and we just might mail ya back a little treat or somethin’ nice to hang on yer fridge, like a sticker or sumpthin’ huh?
