Published in Reglar Wiglar #6, 1995
THE GREAT BRAIN
“Ray” b/w “Half Decayed” (Faye)
People have called me the Great Brain before. Yeah, in high school algebra class, the teacher, Mr. Nelson, called me the Great Brain. He’d say, in front of the whole class, “Why don’t we let the Great Brain come up to the board and figure this one out. Mr. McMurphy?” I used to get straight Ds in that class so I could never figure out why he was in such awe of my intelligence. I’m gonna have to look that fucker up some day and flog him. “Hey, Mr. Nelson, remember me? The Great Brain?” I just got this brilliant idea to kick your ass!”—Muggsy McMurphy
MERCY RULE
“Simple World” b/w “Sinking” (Faye)
I couldn’t listen to this record enough to review. it. Honestly. I’m not saying that this record is good or bad, I just couldn’t get through it. Maybe you’ll like it. I know I shouldn’t have even brought it up if I wasn’t going to review it. It’s too late now and it’s all my fault. Jesus, I’m sorry—P.C. Jones
TEAM SATAN
Devil Rock cassette (RoosterCow)
I feel downright evil listening to this tape. The Devil has been at work on these fella’s that’s for damned sure. The first track “The Devil is Pleased” sent chills right down my Catholic spine. Evil “Johnny” fared no better and the last track, “Death & Destruction”. Guys, please, it’s not that bad, ok? I don’t know when Satan got cool again but fuck it, I’m still down with Jesus, man. Forget this Devil Rock shit. Oh, I almost forgot to say in this review; Team Satan put the evil in devil. No wait, they put the D on Evil thus making Devil. No, they put the D in Devil. That makes more sense. Bye—Muggsy McMurphy
DORIS
“Talk me Down” b/w “Unfrozen King”
Stop giving your bands female names right now! Or using female names as part of your group name. And for god’s sake, the first letter of a proper noun is always capitalized. You’re not being cute or creative by not capitalizing it, so after you change the name of your band, capitalize the first letter. Thank you. You may go back to making records now, if that’s what you really think you should be doing—Joey Germ
SNAGGLETOOTH/SHOOT THE GIFT
Split 7″ (Mutant Renegade)
I call it an EP if the 7″ has more than two songs on it. I don’t know if anybody else uses those requirements for a 7″ to be an EP instead of a single, but probably and anyway, so what? Cincinnati bands on this EP; Snaggletooth and Shoot the Gift. I’m a little more partial to the Shoot the Gift side although I have this sinking suspicion that both Shoot the Gift songs are about a cat. We got a couple cats (mutants really) running around Wiglar HQ so I know what cats are all about and I don’t think two whole songs should be dedicated in honor of their antics even if one of the songs is an instrumental. The song “G & Yarn”, I’m thinkin’… it’s gotta be about a cat, you know why? Because in the liner notes there is a thank you to G, and cats love yarn. You gotta be part blood hound to review records, man, I’m tellin’ yah. The adrenaline rush is a high like no other. On with pet themes: Snaggletooth got a song about a fishbowl, but it’s not really about a fishbowl with like, a fish in it or anything. It’s kind of a metaphor. I’m not overly keen on Snaggletooth but the band’s singer, Ali Edwards, has some pretty intense moments on “Fishbowl” especially with the headphones on and the volume jacked. “Pinball” on the other hand, shoots right out of the slot and tries to score high but was bounced around all over the place and went right down the middle with me. Gotta go—P.C. Jones
THE CHAINSAW KITTENS
“Granddaddy’s Candy” b/w “Bones in My Teeth” 7″ (Scratchie)
This label started when a group of semi-famous people (James Iha and D’Arcy from Smashing Pumpkins and some others with a little extra spending money) were having a dinner party when they came up with this idea for Scratchie Records. Which makes me think that maybe they shouldn’t have opened that last bottle of wine. Chainsaw Kittens don’t sound at all like I thought they would. You know how you think you know what a band sounds like and you kind of make a judgment about them and how they sound because you think you know, but in reality, you’ve never even heard them but you say they suck anyway ’cause of what you think you thought? You know? C’mon admit it. I’ve met enough of you people to know you’re out there. Seems like Chainsaw Kittens are tryin to break out of the mold of what an “alternative” band is supposed to sound like which is almost refreshing—The Germer
FULFLEJ
“Work in This Universe” b/w “Parallel to Gravity” 7″ (Scratchie)
Fulflej, (OK, deep breath)… Guys, that is not how you spell fulfledge, if that’s what you’re thinking. In fact, fulfledge isn’t even a word. Fulfledged is a word, not fulfledge, and whatever fulflej does mean, if it’s your band’s name, then it’s a proper noun and if it’s a proper noun then the first letter NEEDS TO BE FUCKING CAPITALIZED! Sorry. See, now I can’t review the records, I’m too pissed off—j. germ
LAZY
Revolutions Per Minute (Roadtrip)
Ten inch records, it would seem, are making a comeback. I don’t know that they ever really had their day in the sun or if they ever went away or if there are just as many 10 inchers around now as there were when Black Market Clash and Cheap Trick’s Found all the Parts were floatin’ around the bins. I don’t know, but I like the ten inch. Why, you ask, ’cause it’s got three more inches. Duh. I think I like Lazy. Real simple song structures. Real 80s sound (which I’ve been rebelling against lately). Lazy just smacks of stripped down, quirky, guitar pop (don’t make me compare/contrast). Boy singer, Steve Schmoll, sounds like a young Thurston Moore (Old Thurston Moore sounds like a young Thurston Moore). I won’t make the clever little play on their name because I’m sure it’s been done a million times and bedsides I’m just TOO DAMN LAZY! Did you all say that along with me? That would have been a gas—M. McMurphy
NEW ROB ROBBIES
Nuts and Balls (Mind of a Child)
I love just about everything about this record. It’s a ten-inch on clear vinyl. It’s solid pop rock that’s just deliberately fucked up enough to be weird pop rock. They hit all the wrong notes, it’s great. I sort of had to promise felatio to Mind of a Child to get this record as I could not find it locally. They told me that someday, perhaps I will be called upon to fulfill that promise. I think I’m contractually obligated by law, after all it is an oral contract—J. Germ
SCHWA
Vertical (Two Flight)
Hey, Malcolm here, how yah doin’? Yeah, ah, so anyways I was given this Schwa CD to review and its not even metal and they want me to give it back when I’m done reviewing it. I tell yah, they don’t trust me for shit around here. I usually don’t go for the clean sound likes on this record and I usually like for someone to be screaming something somewhere on a record but I didn’t get that either. But I kinda liked this CD anyways. Beverly Gibson’s got a really strong voice that this particular record review finds enchanting. Yeah, I listened to it a lot and I think sometimes (and I know that this is gonna sound weird) but I think sometimes that she’s singing just to me. It’s true. My old lady says that I thought the same thing about Madonna, Polly Jean Harvey, Reba McIntyre and Bjork but that ain’t true. Anyways, it wasn’t like this. Two-Flight won’t return my phone calls concerning this pressing matter. I gotta go eat a big sloppy meatball samich—Malcolm Tent
STONE DEEP
“Gangs & The Govt.” b/w “Mr. Sunray” (Secession Recordings)
Another attempt at the fusion of rock and rap. “Don’t even trip/It’s the Bloods and the Crips/Uncle Sam and his crew are gangbanging too,” pretty much sums up the first song. All I gotta say about the b-side is “Mr. Sunray, a-hey-hey/What’s the, what’s the word for today?”—M. McMurphy
VAMBO MARBLE EYE
Pop Goes the Vambo 7″ (Off-White)
Yet another fine Off-white release. This little baby slipped under the Wiglar door in the form of a cassette at thee last possible minute; no cover, no song names, no nuthin’ except the promise that it would soon be pressed into tasty little seven inch records with individually silk-screened jackets. Well, let me just say one thing, it had damn well better, ’cause I get paid in product, not promises. Four songs recorded live to four track in the basement of the Off-white House where a lot of young talent has been layin’ down the rock lately. I like it. You can almost smell the excitement. Kids with sweaty brows and fiery burning eyes and booze, lot’s of booze. Yeah! I guess I could call the Off-white office and confirm the release date, but naaaah—J. Germ