Published in Reglar Wiglar #5, 1995
FUDGE TUNNEL
The Complicated Futility of Ignorance (Earache)
Hey guys, it’s me, Malcolm. Haven’t been feelin’ too well lately, irregular. Yeah, same old same old. Can’t give up drinkin’ though. Gave up the old lady instead.
Missed the last deadline for Reglar Wiglar #4. I know some of my readers were probably more than a little disappointed. Sorry. Here’s a quick run down of what band’s stuff I was supposed to review; Monster Voodoo Machine, suck (most RCA bands suck), Bolt Thrower CD was cool, sold it for dope though. Ahh, le’see, Craw, Lost Nation Road was heavy. I wonder if I can still get paid for those reviews now since I just did them in this review (kick ass if I do). As for Fudge Tunnel and their latest album (which I refuse to say or write the name of because it makes my brain hurt thinkin’ about what it means): shit like this records makes me pull my lips from Eddie (my bong) and stumble over to my record collection in a violent panic and start destroying all my Grim Reaper and Iron Maiden records in a wild frenzied and brutal melee. I didn’t though. As much as I wanted to I couldn’t ’cause my records aren’t all the way alphabetized yet (I only made it to Armored Saint) and I don’t think I could have found ’em before the fit wore off. Heavy Detail is not dead, my friends. Go! Burn your Helix records if you can find them. All Hail Fudge Tunnel. I gotta go lie down now. See yah—Malcolm Tent
THE MYSTERIES OF LIFE
“Kira” b/w “Alibi” (Egg)
Midwestern pop music seems to be the theme running around our PO box lately and the theme for Indianapolis label, Egg Records, as well. From the city of auto racing and gap- toothed weathermen, comes The Mysteries of Life. Got an ex-Blake Baby on there, a a real baby too, sort of. The Lifer, known to me only as Mrs. Smith, was with child during the recording of this single. Ain’t that precious. Oh yeah, I almost forgot the review part: I like this record. It’s good—The Germer
VARIOUS
Economium, Led Zeppelin Tribute Album (Atlantic)
I’m so fucking sick of tribute albums, man. You don’t even know—Scat-in-the-Hat
NONE LEFT STANDING
Laura 4-song EP (Rhetoric)
From the Fugazi school of PC punk rock, comes None Left Standing–awww cool, it’s snowing outside right now. Anyway, from the Fugazi school of PC punk rock comes None Left Standing–wow, it is really coming down!—The Germer
NEW ROB ROBBIES/VAMBO MARBLE EYE
Split 7″ (OFF-White)
Hey, fuck yeah. I like the fast guitar, dual shoutin’ stuff from these two bands. They’ve obviously had some good influences on each other. Seen both of ’em live. Funny as all get out. I don’t mind a free record every now and then either. Too bad you got to pay for yours. Which you should, ’cause stealin ain’t for everybody. It’s for Muggsy though. I got no problem with stealin’—Muggsy McMurphy
GRAVELBED/GONE DADDY FINCH
Split 7″ (Off-White)
More pop anthems from two bands that like to serve up the pop anthems. I’m a little more partial to the Gone Daddy Finch tune. Sure both songs are catchy but “Driving High” reminds me of the time I borrowed my girlfriend’s car and got pulled over for havin’ a busted taillight and little did I know that in the trunk she had stashed–never mind—Muggsy McMurphy
DITCHWEED
7″ EP (Mono Cat 7)
There seems to be a recurring BOC riff on this seven inch, but I’m pushing past that. “Chinese Funeral,” although I’m ignorant as to what a Chinese funeral entails, is a Big Fat Rocker. “Flat Earth Society” is for all you nonbelievers out there. Don’t know what to say about “”Mountainside so I won’t say anything. I’ve heard the Ditchweed demo and take it from me, their best shit has not been released yet. Hopefully it hasn’t even been written yet. All’s Ditchweed need is for someone to put out their record and I’m flat broke so I issue the challenge to you out there reading this. Yeah you, Indie Rocker with the trust fun. Do it—Joey “I Have Spoken” Germ
THIS JESUS MUST DIE
A Modern Adaptation f Selections from Jesus Christ Superstar (Off-White)
My mom used to have the Jesus Christ Superstar album and I used to listen to it when I was just a tiny little Christian. I was fascinated and awed by it. It was my first double concept album! Not until Zen Arcade was I to have such a religious experience. I found it to be quite exciting but at the same time it scared the beejezuz out of me just like a good religion is supposed to. If you’re like me, and god help yah if yah is, then you probably stole the original copy of this record when you got kicked out of the house. If it’s a little beaten and worn you might just want to grab one of these copies off the racks at your local music store. Vambo Marble Eye lay down the music. It’s engineered at Ultrasuede. There’s a short film that you can get to which is an interpretation of an interpretation of an event that may or may not have taken place. Look for the upcoming rock version of CATS out soon on Off-White—Muggsy “Goofer” McMurphy
PAPAS FRITAS
“Passion Play” b/w “Lame to Be” (Minty Fresh)
Goddmanit, I think Minty Fresh has done it again. Papas Fritas; three smart kids, probably met at college out there in Boston. Big college town, Boston. Majored in pop rock, no doubt. “Passion Play” is an off-beat effort with a slightly Beatlesque string arrangement. It lilts. “Lame to Be” is what got stuck to my turntable. Couldn’t get it the hell off. If this song don’t make Q101 heavy rotation by mid summer, I quit. The Pop Prophet has spoken!—P.C. Jones
STYX
“Babe” b/w “I’m Okay” (A&M)
God what a voice and what a sad tune, “Babe, I’m leaving/My heart is in your hands.” They don’t write songs like this anymore. Ten cents at Village Thrift. Best deal in town—Malcolm Tent
COUNTDOWN TO CHAOS
Graveyard Train 3 song 7″
Good old fashioned Punk Rock Music: “I don’t need your special reports/I don’t need your fucking sports”–The Controller; “Dress like we do/talk like we do/Act like we do/But we’re not like you”–Punky See Punky Do. Fuck yeah! This kind of angst ridden, paranoid sentiment has long been absent from anything that’s come across my stereo in recent years. Kinda sounds like Trenchmouth at times, but maybe it’s just me—J. Germ
THREE FOOT GRAPHX
Guided by Three Foot Graphx (RoosterCow)
Breaking no new ground musically, many of the current Chicago buzz bands are lapping up their position in the media’s national spotlight. Choosing not to use this convenient media tool, Chicago’s Three Foot Graphics still manage to be one of the smokinist acts around. From their rousing opening of “Michael Row Your Boat Ashore” to the signature Three Foot closing “Heigh Ho,” the Graphx are out to entertain. Their debut EP, Guided by Three Foot Graphx captures the raw intensity of a child picking up an instrument for the first time. The cassette only release features ten one track cuts recorded live at Shitfull Studios, Chicago. Available direct from RoosterCow only—T. Bone