Published in Reglar Wiglar #13, 1999
The most complete, comprehensive, thoughtful and intelligent music commentary ever written.
AFI
Back Sails in the Sunset (Nitro)
This is just bad metal simple and plain and believe me, I’ve listened to my share of bad metal. Oh lord help me, have I listened to some bad metal in my day. Bad, bad metal. Sweet Jesus, Lord in Heaven—Joey Germ
ALICJACOPO
Alicijacopo (Doug Harrison Recordings)
Recorded in Italy and Virginia, USA, pressed in New Zealand, I don’t know what kind of transcontinental, transcendental transfiguration is going on here, but whatever it is, it’s weird and I mean that in a weird way—Joey Germ
BARON VON BIRDBATH
Tales from the Birdbath (eMpTy)
Cute, poppy, endearing songs from Baron von Birdbath, leader of the now defunct Seattle pop/punk band, Sicko. Tales from the Birdbath was recorded with a little help from the Baron’s friends–a virtual who’s who of Seattle’s rock community. Some of the songs are outright funny (“Olympia” for example) but most come off a tad too cutesy, like where Dead Milkmen were too obnoxious and maybe a little too clever for their own good. But I must say, people really gobble up this sweet pop music and such as it is, this surely ranks up there with the best of it—Joey Germ
BATTALION OF SAINTS A.D.
Cuts… (Taang!)
Most of the original members of BATS and crew are dead and gone. It’s true. Drugs, suicides and assorted mysterious circumstances have all conspired to slim the ranks of the Battalion. Fear not, however, BATS are back in the AD playing the same brand of punk rock that made them international punk rock superstars in the days of yore*
(*Editor’s note: “In the days of yore” will now be used in place of “back in the day” which is a phrase that is being phased out of usage by the linguists. Thank you for your time and I apologize for the interruption. Please continue to enjoy yourself while we return you to the exciting CD review still in progress) of which the song “Jack Shack” is a noted exception—Joey Germ
BOOKER NOE
Demo (no label)
An instrumental blend of surf rock, western rock, country/surf rock and rock/rock/surf rock-rock. From toe-tappers to foot-stompers to all out barn burners, you can hear the love, you can indeed smell the magic that this trio of guitar/bass/drums serves up on a platter made of fool’s gold. Bend over bacon, it’s Booker Noe!—Otis E. Lee
BURN THE PRIEST
Burn the Priest (Legion)
Whereas, burning priests is not recommended or condoned by this magazine, due in part to the powerfully nauseating stench that the roasting of human flesh tends to produce, it should be noted (by you heretics in particular) that there is probably no faster way to the fiery bowels of hell than by performing the devil’s music in a band with such an evil moniker. However, if evil is your cup of tea, pull up a beanbag chair young soldier of Satan ’cause the tea kettle’s whistlin’ for yah and the music of eternal suffering plays on—St. Willy
CHISEL DRILL HAMMER
Chisel Drill Hammer (Hefty)
Winner of the ‘Dumb Band Name Award’ goes to Chisel Drill Hammer who also win ‘Dumb Album Title Award for naming their record after themselves–a brilliant move if sweeping the ‘Dumb Name Category’ in this year’s awards was their goal
CDH is a four piece instrumental group from Chicago by way of Iowa City. And despite the venomous, scathing sarcasm that has brought us to this part of the review, I must admit that The Chisel, The Drill and the Hammer (as they should be called) are not the horrible alterna-rockers I feared they would be by my hasty prejudgment. In fact, the group plays ambient, mood music. Nothing earth-shattering, just background music, if you will, and I know you will—P.C. Jones
THE ECHO ORBITER
Presents a Moment in Life That’s Right (Looking GlassWorkshop)
Wow, this is some freaky music. This could probably drive somebody crazier than a shit house rat faster than any other kind of music out there. I’m not sure people should be making this kind of pycho-delic music, or listening to it for that matter—Joey Germ
GANG GREEN
Another Case of Brewtality (Taang!)
Never has one punk band done more to promote–fug it–shamelessly endorse the most well-known alcoholic beverage ever produced in the history of alcoholic beverage production. And what’s more is they have been dangling from the teat of Anheuser Busch since they first poured themselves onto the Boston scene about fifteen years ago by co-opting the Bud logo and using the Bud product on their record covers every chance they got. It’s 1999, the Beastie Boys are Buddhists, Spuds McKenzie committed suicide in a run down kennel on the outskirts of Dallas, the “I Love You Man” guy has been in and out of rehab for several years and the popularity of those fucking lizards peaked yesterday but Gang Green will never go away. Long live beer and BUD-WISE-ER—Joey Germ
MTGM
Mad Trucker Gone Mad (Crustacean)
Mad Trucker Gone Mad is Milwaukee’s answer to the recent rockabilly resurgence though it’s not necessarily limited to the straight billy sound, there’s some elements of country and little cowboy music in there. I reckin’ a live show’d be pretty entertainin’–a show you could take yer best girl to, or yer fellah or even just yer own sorry, lonely ol’ self—Otis E. Lee
NYMPH
y.c.d.w.y.w.w.y.g.e. (Harmless)
You Can Do What You Want When You Go Emo? Your Cat Died While You Were Washing Your Giant Elephant? Young Crazy Dwarves Won’t Waste Your Gallant Effort? Is that what it stands for? Am I close? This is fun? Did I win a prize? Is it this CD? ‘Cause if it is, I already got it—Jayne Wayne
THE PROLETARIAT
Voodoo Economics and Other American Tragedies (Taang!)
Kind of a dead ringer for Gang of Four with a whole lotta Wire thrown in there for good measure. It’s a little over the top in it’s allegiance to those two band, which can cut the legs out from under it, but honestly I’m a sucker for that shit. Never heard of The Proletariats before this CD arrived. They were around back in the day near as I can figure. Probably got lost in the shadows somewhere. This is a two disc release with plenty of songs that are both political and desperate and maybe even desperately political. It’s a blast from the past and a reminder of what made the Reagan era so scary and so exciting musically. Take a trip back to the paranoia of the Cold War and the threat of total nuclear annihilation won’t you?—Joey Germ
THE SHEILA DIVINE
New Parade (Roadrunner)
This is emo taken to another level, I think. Power Emo. It seems to me like this would be really radio friendly but I don’t listen to the rock radio anymore so I have no idea what they’re playing. They may even be playing The Sheila Divine and if this is the case, please disregard this sentence—Jayne Wayne
SIX FEET UNDER
Maximum Violence (Metal Blade)
It’s ironical ’cause maximum violence will put you six feet under. This is heavy metal, Momma. If you thought metal was dead, you just didn’t go far enough underground to find it. You need to dig at least six feet. At least—Joey Germ
SPOOKY PIE
Poisonberry (Boo Records)
Sounds delicious. Spooky Pie serve up 60s style garage rock with just a touch of pop. Not the best of recordings but what do you expect, it was recorded by Phyll Spectre. Spooky Pie look glam/goth, they play garage pop, they could be huge but then again I am never, ever, ever right about these thing which is why I’m stuck here in this miserable hell hole. Cheers—P.C. Jones
STARS AND STRIPES
Shaved for Battle (Taang!)
Ultra-right wing pro American, boot-in-your-face skins uniting in the name of American oi. These guys want to fight someone, anyone. Russians, punks, anyone. Anyone? No thanks—Joey Germ
TANGER
Tanger (Owned & Operated)
A Colorado band that doesn’t play pop punk? What a refreshing blast of refreshment! Tanger plays pretty heavy and loud, crunchy guitar punk and they do it with military precision. To the Tanger boot camp with the whole lot of you!—Private Chomps
UNBELIEVABLE JOLLY MACHINE
Anonymous (Mutagenic)
These guys are still unbelievable, still jolly and yes, still a machine. The Minneapolis trio, UJM, are back with a new full-length and dare I say, it sounds kinda funky. They must be hanging out with the Artist during those unbelievably long, cold and unjolly winters up there in Minnas-oh-da, yah—Swede Anderson
THE EMO DIARIES
Moment of Truth (Deep Elm)
I know this is out of alphabetical order and I’m not sure why, but that is neither here nor there–no wait, it is here. Anyfrigginway, there’s something about emocore–the raw emotion, the angst, the urgency, the power of the message, the heartfelt lyrics–that is completely lost on me—Joey Germ
TOM WAITS
Mule Variations (Epitaph)
What could I possibly say in this shitty little zine about the new Tom Waits record that would change anyone’s mind one way or the other. I’m not a freakin’ music critic and this is Tom Waits for chrissake. You know the man, you know the music. Nothings changed—Irresistible Frank
VARIOUS
The Center of the Universe (Owned & Operated)
Three songs from the five band on the O&O label. New Rob Robbies, Tanger, Wretch Like Me, Bill the Welder and Someday I… You know, it’s a compilation so it’s a mixed bag but it ain’t a bag of lemons. It’s a bag of delicious apples and oranges (and a banana)—Irresistible Frank
VARIOUS
Crust-O-Matic (Crustacean)
Spectacular cover art by Pat Moriarity and a pretty diverse collection of, I would presume, Milwaukee bands. Pretty solid, probably a good representation of that particular scene up there in Milwaukee there. So judging from this CD, you could do worse than live in Milwaukee. One interesting tidbit, for your information, the entire Milwaukee rock music scene can be traced back to Richie, Potsy and Ralph. Just thought you’d like to know—Jayne Wayne