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Once in awhile, Reglar Wiglar Magazine gets the exclusive opportunity to talk with Mr. Donald Trump. At these times we ask The Donald to review some of the latest pop music releases in a feature we like to call...
DONALD TRUMP REVIEWS
Who is this? Ziggy something? Ziggy is a cartoon character. It's Iggy? Is that right, Iggy? Good. I never liked Ziggy. He's a total loser, has no hair. It's Iggy. I like that guy, Iggy. That's the guy that doesn't wear a shirt. He's great. We tried to get him on Celebrity Apprentice but he didn't want to do it. I don't know, I thought he was smart. I guess not.
Iggy Azalea? Like the flower, azalea? That's one of Melania's favorite flowers. Very, very beautiful flower. Just a terrific flower.
I don't like this though. What is this, twerk music? You listen to twerk music, George? George doesn't listen to twerk music. George doesn't twerk. Is it rapper music? I don't know. I'm sure Ziggy Azalea is very, very talented, but this isn't very good. In fact, it's terrible. Let me see a picture of her. OK, not a great beauty either. I'm sorry but not a great beauty. I have very, very good taste in women and she is not a great beauty.
CASSETTY GETS A
The Reglar Wiglar Store has been slowly cranking out great new products. For example, check out the quality Cassetty mug to your left. Thanks goes to Cassetty fan, Dan Kiss, for sending in this mug shot of his favorite coffee mug. Get your own shiny Cassetty mug here. And don't forget to enjoy some Cassetty Comics while you enjoy your morning coffee.
At long friggin' last, Reglar Wiglar #22 has been photocopied, folded, stapled and is ready to be sent out to a mailing box near you. In this issue, I begin recounting my long employment history in "The Book of Jobs Part 1". Also included: "The History of Music," "Forgotten American Music Masters," "Hungover Poetry," "Donald Trump Versus Metallica," "The Top Ten Numbers of All Time" and a brand new Cassetty the Cassette Pet comic: "Living in the 80s."
Get your very own copy by clicking the link below or order through the RoosterCow Press etsy store!
ANARCHY ROOSTER'S GOT SOMETHING TO SAY
Anarchy Rooster doesn't go for all that crowing at the crack of dawn crap. That's cukoo cuckoo. It's best to just let this dude sleep it off and stay out of his way. He don't like to be hen-pecked and he don't like to be cooped up.
That makes the Reglar Wiglar Store the perfect place for our Old Boy here. Why don't you go visit him some time, fill him up with some coffee (or whiskey). You'll be glad you did.
Please enjoy this
THE HISTORY OF MUSIC
I’m probably going to catch a lot of heat from Asia fans for this blog post (just kidding, there are no living Asia fans), but we need to be honest with ourselves. History is important to our future and understanding the mistakes we’ve made in the past will only make us stronger as we move forward as a civilization.
With an all-star line-up culled from some of the best prog rock units to wank their way out of the 70s and into the 80s (King Crimson, Emerson, Lake and Palmer, Yes), Asia almost seemed like an anachronism in the musical landscape of the early 1980s. In 1982 the record buying public had a wolf-like hunger for the edgy, new wave stylings of your Billy Idols, your Polices, your Adam Ants, your Duran Duranseses and the rebellious rock and roll of your Stray Cats, your Pretenders and your The Clash.
All this mattered not to fans of generic music who were in for a delightful treat when Asia dropped their eponymous debut album in 1982. The lead-off track, “Heat of the Moment” became a monster hit for the group and ensured the album best selling status in the States. By duplicating, then watering down the formula that had worked so well for them on their first album, Asia managed to fart out two more albums into the musical mainstream; 1983's stunningly bland, Alpha and 1985's, even worse, Astra. The group disbanded soon after.
Inexplicably, Asia reformed in the early 90s and began recording studio albums again (Aqua, 1992; Aria, 1994; and Arena, 1996) and they are still alive and well in this very century playing live shows all over the world, so bully for them. For me though, the beauty of Asia is that they managed to take everything I’ve ever hated about music and encapsualte it into tidy little packages with album art by Roger Dean. In fact, musical merits aside, Roger Dean is the singular saving grace of the band, just like he was for Yes as the designer of that band's logo and the creator of the Fragile album cover, among others.
In a historical sense, the grandiose, overly-produced arrangements and the pedestrian lyrics and themes of Asia, for me, best represents a decade that reveled in—nay, embraced excessive progressive cheesiness. I once knew an otherwise hip local DJ who would incorporate "Heat of the Moment" into his set. He did so without a trace of irony and with a straight face no less. He has since moved (presumably with his Asia records) to Brooklyn where they probably have Asia listening parties every night... as well they should.
Read more History of Music on the H.O.M. Blog
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