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RW: Enenen, nice to finally meet the man behind the music.

NNN: Yo, wassup?

RW: You're quite the controversial character in popular culture at the moment. Why is that?

NNN: 'Cause parents, politicians and the press don't know shit.

RW: Explain.

NNN: They don't know what else to write about so they focus on little shit and make it into a big pile of shit. Like the Britney Spears bullshit.

RW: Are you referring to your recent interview with Yo! Magazine where you referred to Britney Spears as a ho?

NNN: No, that's where they're wrong and you're wrong. I never called her a ho.

RW: But I have it right here in black and white. Yo! Magazine asks, "Enenen, what do you think of Britney Spears?" and you answer—and I quote—"Britney Spears is a ho and you can quote me on that."

NNN: That's incorrect information.

RW: Where'd they get that then?

NNN: Slick Brady called Britney a ho, in point of fact, Slick Brady called her a skanky ho.

RW: So when you call Britney Spears a ho—

NNN: I didn't call Britney Spears a ho.

RW: Slick Brady did?

NNN: Exactly. Slick Brady was dissin' Britney, Norbert Nelson stays out of that shit.

RW: And that stuff about your mother, where you call her a bitch and threaten to cut her up into "tiny little pieces, smaller than mieces".

NNN: Slick was sayin' that shit, talkin' about how he was gonna stuff her in a trunk and shit.

RW: Was he talking about your mother or his mother?

NNN: I don't know, man. I got nuthin' to do wit' that dude. He's trippin'.

RW: Yeah, but you're Slick Brady, right?

NNN: Yeah, ain't that fucked up?

RW: You let him talk about your mother like that?

NNN: I know, I know. It ain't right, but I can't control what Slick says.

RW: It would seem like you're just dumping off all responsibility for everything that comes out of your mouth by attributing it to a fictional character.

NNN: Basically, it seems like that, yeah.

RW: Who called Moby a fag?

NNN: Um, actually, that was me. My bad.

RW: So you think he's gay and so what if he is?

NNN: Bein' gay has nuthin' to do with bein' a fag.

RW: It doesn't?

NNN: Hell no. I don't mind gays so much, I just don't like fags. You can be gay and not be a fag, just like you don't have to be gay to be a fag. Besides Moby is more of a little bitch girl anyway.

RW: I see your logic . . . I think.

NNN: Next question.

RW: What makes Enenen tick?

NNN: My little girl. My little girl is the most important thing in my life. She's the bomb.

RW: Moby's a little girl but you don't like him?

NNN: Hey, let's stop talkin' about that bitch. He's worse than that puppet dog that was messin' with me at the music awards.

RW: Sorry. What's next for Enenen?

NNN: I got a new jam comin' out soon. Look for my new record, Enenenema out this spring. I really flush it out of my system on this one. It's my best record since The Colonic. I'm out.

 

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LIL' DIRTY BASTARD

Interviewed by SOGGY SPRINKLES

Published in RW#18, 2003

Lil' Dirty Bastard is the latest sensation in the topsy-turvy world of pre-adolescent hip hop. With three platinum albums, numerous music and video awards, and a sold-out tour (which he co-headlined with Honky MC Jr. to his credit), Lil' Dirty Bastard is ready to take it to the next level. We visited him in his gold-plated crib to find out about his movie career, new fashion line and what he thinks aboout biters.

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RW: You just dropped your latest album, Chillin' in the Crib, to much critical acclaim, and your latest single, "This Lil' Bastard" was the song of the summer. Look Whose Rappin', a film you wrote, directed, and starred in, has grossed $275 million, and is about to be released in twenty foreign countries. You won the Palm d'Or at Cannes, and even money says you'll win at least a few Oscars. That's in addition to all your Grammys and awards from MTV, BET, and the PTA. Whats' the secret to your success?

LDB: Goo goo, ga ga.

RW: Interesting. You're quite a trendsetter and you recently introduced your own clothing line, which is called Mack Baby. What can you tell us about that?

LDB: Bbbbbbllllle. Ahhh. Heeeheee.

RW: Ha! Yeah, the silk jammies are pretty dope. Now, a lot of people have copied your style. How does it make you feel, when you're out for a stroll, to see so many other kids rockin' the pacifiers and the Gucci?

LDB: Waaaaaaaaaaaahhhhh!

RW: President Bush is a big fan of your music. He says that your song, "Peek-A-Boo-Ya" is his favorite. He recently invited you to perform it at the White House, but you declined the invitation. Why?

LDB: (poops in pants)

RW: Uh oh! I guess we should wind this up so you can get changed. Anything you'd like to add?

LDB: Gggul, goo goo ga vvvvvv, mmmmmm. Hmmmm, gagagagagaga na. Eeeh fafa goo. Goo.

RW: All right. Say, are you going to finish your mashed bananas?

LDB: (falls asleep)