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Parasite Life Lesson #3: Proper Phone Etiquette

I am a parasite. I feed off others. I enjoy it. Here’s how I do it.

Parasite Life Star

#1 Dialing a wrong number

As soon as you've determined that you've dialed a wrong number because the schmuck on the other line is obviously not your buddy, Chet, hang up immediately. You don't need to apologize to some a-hole just because you made a mistake, and there's no need to verify the number to make sure you have the correct one either. F 'em. You can always redial, and if you get the same idiot again you can simply slam the phone down on them a second time. What are they gonna do, cry?

#2 Receiving a wrong number

When receiving a wrong number, it is important to hang up immediately. The instant you determine that the call was made in error, whether by the foreign sounding accent of the caller or the fact that they're asking for Joe and your name is Janet, you should angrily slam the receiver down and end that bullshit right there. It should enrage you that someone could be so stupid as to misdial or get an incorrect number from a third party. Of course, hanging up immediately before determining the cause of the error will many times force the person to call back to make sure they haven't just dialed incorrectly. This is your opportunity to get further enraged and hang up on this idiot a second and hopefully final time as they will have really gotten the message this time.

#1 Live Cheap (Be Free!)

#2 Work w/your Hangover

#3 Proper Phone Etiquette

#4 Proper Restaurant Etiquette

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