The Cult of Culinary Arts in this country has given rise to some pretty over-the-top, pretentious restaurants. Especially in Chicago where this ad for a dishwasher was recently spotted in the local help wanted ads. It's aghasttronomical!
Entry Level Position in the Post Culinary Arts
Job Title: Culinary Dish Care Representative
Company: The Frog & Thistle Gastro Pub-Style Micro Bistro & Whisky Distillery
Job Location: Logan Square, Chicago, IL
Employment Type: Full-Time Plus
Start Date: ASAP
Ideal Candidate will posses the following skills:
Candidate will demonstrate skill differentiating between steins, mugs, rocks glasses, tumblers, juice glasses, punch glasses and goblets in a fast-paced, deadline-oriented environment.
Candidate will be familiar with dessert spoons, soup spoons, tea spoons and bouillon spoons. Don't know what a demitasse spoon is? Don't waste our time.
Candidate will demonstrate an attention to detail that borders on the pathological. The majority of our customers are food bloggers, so a crusty bouillon bowl won't cut it. The only thing crusty coming out of our kitchen is the gluten-free, vegan, house-made focaccia breadsticks made with organic, free-range rosemary. Don't know what free-range rosemary is? Don't waste our time.
Candidate will be asked to perform a stage to demonstrate requisite skills. Don't know what a stage is? Don't waste our time. During the stage you will be asked to restore an asparagus fork to its pristine, pre-dining condition.
Passion for the Post Culinary Arts
Minimum 3 years experience working with a high-end dishwasher. Hobart preferred
Knowledge of scrubbing pressure and scratch resistance ratios
Must demonstrate excellent plate scraping abilities
Must be broom and mop savvy
Must be able to lift 50 lbs. & withstand temps of 100+ degrees
Bilingual preferred (you know which linguals we prefer)
Must know your way around a three compartment sink
Must possess a flair for rinsing
Ability to “rock” a hair net preferred but not required
Helpful but not required:
Must be willing to bear the brunt of the Head Chef's explosive rage and insufferable ego (as well as the Sous Chef, Patissier, Chef de Partie, Saucier, Poissonier, Entremetier, Rotisseur, Gard Manger, Expediter and most of the Servers).
Knowing which types of industrial cleaners cause blistering and which ones merely give you a nasty rash is beneficial.
Ability to bring a certain je ne sais quoi to the art of pot scrubbing.
Essential Duties And Responsibilities:
Help maintain the highest standards of cleanliness and sanitation. Coordinate the delivery of sanitized plateware to dining room. Responsible for all facets of post culinary utensil restoration.
Compensation & Benefits:
10% discount on meals (restricted menu)
Opportunity to work multiple double shifts per week
Table scraps? Yours
You break it you bought it
We supply the dish soap, you supply the elbow grease
Originally published in RW#23, 2016