DONALD TRUMP REVIEWS
Justin Bieber’s “Confident” featuring Chance the Rapper
This is Justin Bieber singing? I don’t know, sounds kind of wimpy. Is this him singing? He’s a good singer. Let’s face it, this kid is very, very talented. Does this make me a Belieber, if I listen to this? Am I a Belieber now? George is a Belieber. No, George isn’t a Belieber. I can’t see George listening to this. You like this, George? George doesn’t like Belieber music.
Wait, what is this, rapping? Is this a rap? Chance the Rapper? Never heard of him, but I have heard of Justin Bieber. “Confident.” I can relate to that because in business you have to be confident. I have been very, very successful in business because I am very, very confident. I have terrific confidence and I have made a lot of money. A lot of money.
I don’t get this music though, but this guy has been very, very successful so he must be very, very smart. I’ve been very successful in my business, so I know what it takes to reach a very high level of success. People get on Justin Bieber because they’re jealous. I know what that’s like. Only a loser would criticize someone for reaching a very high level of success. I told that to Miley Cyrus. They’re just jealous.
I can’t understand the lyrics, but I’m sure they’re terrific. We’re gonna get Justin on Celebrity Apprentice. He’ll do it too. He’s smart. He won't get fired either. He might. He might get fired. We'll see.
Iggy Azalea’s “Black Widow”
Who is this? Ziggy something? Ziggy is a cartoon character. It's Iggy? Is that right, Iggy? Good. I never liked Ziggy. He's a total loser, has no hair. It's Iggy. I like that guy, Iggy. That's the guy that doesn't wear a shirt. He's great. We tried to get him on Celebrity Apprentice but he didn't want to do it. I don't know, I thought he was smart. I guess he’s not very smart.
Iggy Azalea? Like the flower, azalea? That's one of Melania's favorite flowers. Very, very beautiful flower. Just a terrific flower. I don't like this though. What is this, twerk music? You listen to twerk music, George? George doesn't listen to twerk music. George doesn't twerk. Is it rapper music? I don't know. I'm sure Ziggy Azalea is very, very talented, but this isn't very good. In fact, it's terrible. Let me see a picture of her. OK, not a great beauty either. I'm sorry but not a great beauty. I have very, very good taste in women and she is not a great beauty.
Originally published in RW#23, 2016
FORGOTTEN AMERICAN MUSIC MASTERS
THE WOODROWS COMPLETE DISCOGRAPHY
PORTRAIT OF THE ARTIST AS A (VERY) YOUNG MAN