I talked to a friend of mine the other day on the telephone, and he said if you see this Grifters CD, buy it! It was a pretty firm command. He also advised me to look for the Archers of Loaf as well, but I don't know, something about the name puts me off somehow. I think I would be a little embarrassed walking up to the cute girl at the checkout counter at Reckless Records and asking for the Archers of Loaf record, the same way that I would be more than a little embarrassed asking her if the new Poo Sticks record was in. Just can't do it. But anyway, I had a big wad of cash laid on me from Santa (or at least I think it was Santa, some red nosed, fat dude with an even fatter wallet was puking in the alley behind the Metro on Xmas Eve so I figured, I'd been a good boy in '93, might as well see what old St. Nick had for the kid this year). Two hundred bucks in cash--I was a good boy, and as a result, among other things not entirely legal, I bought this CD. So, the review part: One Sock Missing, it's this band called Grifters, it's got fourteen songs on it and it's one second short of being 45 minutes long. Oh yeah, it's pretty cool as well. I think these guys are from Memphis proper or' round thereabouts. I really don't know. What I do kind of know is, this is their second full-length (the first one, by their very own admission wasn't that good) and they've had a handful of 7 inches since their inception as a three piece called, Band Called Bud, circa 1989. Most of these releases, by their own admission, weren't that good either, but what are you gonna do?
Stank, Tripp, Diamond Dave and Slim do manage to pull off a good record this time around and I really don't think they should be that down on themselves, unless of course they're just trying to keep their egos in check, which is cool, but false modesty doesn't always get the bills paid. "She Blows Static" and "Shark" are good tunes, as is the haunting "#1" and "Corolla Hoist" (a remake of an earlier single). Their tune "Tupelo Moan" sounds like what the Black Crows' Robinson Brothers might have done in high school. Not to say that this is an amateurish attempt to rip off the Black Crows very professional rip off of Muddy Waters and the like, on the contrary, what I meant by that comment was that this whole album was recorded off a four-track in some flower shop and mixed in some really cheap Memphis studio, that's all I meant. This disc is low-fi, man, but it's cool like an early Replacements record, kind of got a Sebadoh feel to it, you know? This shit ain't slick and it ain't produced but it's for real, baby. Kind of reminds me of my old band...
(What followed was one of the writer's suppressed desires to be a rock'n'roll star surfacing in the form of a comparison/anecdote/analogy of then he used to be in a band, a band that most likely sucked, but which he thought was way ahead of its time making them unappreciated, overlooked and frustrated, which forced him to break up the group and write records reviews. This whole mess has been deleted for your reading please-ED)
Those were the days. Tank you for letting me share my feelings and my memories–PC Jones
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Alright, alright already, I'll review the goddman thing, just get off my back--oh, excuse me, Muggsy here, how yah doin'? Anyway, I'm gonna tell yah right now that I think the best way to solve this whole Sin Nation problem is to simply ignore it, and hopefully it will go away. This can work; it worked with Vanilla Ice right? Okay then, it's time for us music journalists to plan an all out media blackout on the likes of such bands as Sin Nation Sensation. Mediocre at its balls out best is no way to be a band. And yet the truly frightening thing here is that their debut record is selling like...like...like a really good record! What the fuck? Snoop Dog. Same shit, but that's another tangent.
Can you feel the hostility? Jesus, I need a valium. If I didn't know these guys from back in my Jersey days as a wandering loser and a drunk I would swear that the whole thing was a big hoax, a big record company gambit, a gimmick to make big bucks, like your Kiss and your Motley Crues. But no, these guys aren't even smart enough to be in it for the money. They actually take themselves seriously.
Their Sin Nation anthem, "This is Sin Nation," could be sued by the Poison Control Center to induce vomiting after ingestion of poisonous substances, except that the the song itself is toxic enough to kill. Despite it being a very bad song, it somehow managed to get these guys into the limelight and allowed them to snatch their fifteen minutes of fame. I even heard a rumor from an acquaintance of mine that these guys got the opening slot at next years Lollapaloozer tour. Good grief! I had to beat the ass of the bearer of those bad tidings, the main reason for his beating was because this peckerwood. Actually thought that Sin Nation should play after the Beastie Boys. Sheesh!
As I sit here and ponder how their other equally as abrasive songs such as "Hot Sugar Mama" and "Love Trigger Action" will be coursing through the brains of young innocent MTV watching children, I become depressed, catatonic, almost unable to go on. What this record seems like to me, is basically what Gun & Roses might have done had the entire band been in a bus accident on the Appetite for Destruction Tour and suffered irreversible brain damage but decided to make Lose Your Illusion anyway.
There are some bands that are bad bands and some bands that are good bands. There are some good bands that do a good imitation f a good band and some bad bands that do a good imitation of a good band, but when you are a bad band doing a bad ripoff of a band that sucks to begin with, you are scum--rich scum maybe, but scum nonetheless.
I leave you now, bitter, confused... I need answers–Muggsy McMurphy
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Chaos A.D. (Roadrunner)
Industrial Espionage (Metalli-Sized)
The Sprawl (Virtual)
I got the shits, dude, so I ain't in the best of moods right now. Never mix Milwaukee's Best with PBR, man. It just ain't worth it. Two fine brews should be savored independently of each other. See, I knew that already but when I was at the liquor store apparently a couple of cases of MB got fucked up and busted and so did a case of Blue Ribbon so, George, the liquor store dude, who I don't think his real name is George because he's got this really fucked up accent and I just don't think they name people George where he comes from, but anyway, he like had this grab bag thing goin' where he just threw 12 cans of brew into a box and it cost $4.99 for whatever the hell was in the box (there was one can of Lite beer in there too, which I have no clue whatsoever on how that puppy got in thee, but the old lady was spendin' the night so I didn't even have to deal with it, that's chick beer). So, don't mix yer pilsners, man, or else you'll be writtin' your record reviews from the toilet like yours truly here. I don't know though, sometimes I think this is where I think best, right here on the John Crapper. What a name, imagine the odds of the man that invented the toilet was not only named John but John Crapper, that's fucked up.
Anyway, the review; I actually have several records to review. The first one is Chaos AD by those godhead, Sepultura, Chaos AD is a really good record. It's got some songs on it that are better than some of the others, for example "Territory" (cool video) is better than "Biotech is Godzilla" and "Slave New World" is cooler than "Propaganda", but all the songs are good and you should definitely buy this CD or the album or cassette, depending on what kind of stereo you own. If you ride out the CD there is some maniacal cackling recorded at the very tail end that will be sure to freak your neighbors' shit
Another record I would like to review is Insynuator, whom I believe will have an interview with Muggsy McMuphy running in this same issue, which is why I was asked to review their last record which actually came out three or four years ago. This is a good record. It has some really super awesome songs on it and some fairly good tunes as well. Some songs on this record, titled Industrial Espionage, that rock are songs like "We Who Rock Harder Than Others" and "War Zone 91." You should get this one too
A band called 3Jane, from somewhere in California have a debut record called the Sprawl. It's cool Cyberpunk, better than Billy Idol's new tunes. There's tunes on it called "Sally Shears," "Jack In" and "Ice Breaker," just to give you an idea of what this record is all about.
Wow, they ask for one record review, didn't think I could meet their deadline, and then I crank out three reviews, hah! 'Til later on kids. Bye–Malcolm Tent
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MONO CAT 7 CATALOG
SCHWAH "I Love Bill
Murray" b/w "The Living Most"
So the records come in the mail a couple of days later and once again Muggsy';s charm does more good than harm, for Muggsy anyway.
In the quest for the next burgeoning music scene, certain publications have bent their regional concentration to the Queen City: Cincinnati, home of the Reds and the (heh, heh) Bengals and the rising star that is the Afghan Whigs and with any luck, Mono Cat 7 Records.
Mono Cat has only been committing themselves to vinyl and thus far they have a pretty impressive track record, no clunkers yet. The first release is by a band called Schwah featuring two of the labels owners, Tim Davison and Jerrod Oldman (Jimmy D, local axe merchant, being the third party). "The Living Most" and "I Love Bill Murray" are haunting tunes, eerie catchy hooks; good guitar rock. Schwah has been compared to Pearl Jam and Smashing Pumpkins, but then again, who the fuck hasn't. I've seen them play live a couple times, chicks dig it, so you got to be into that.
Bushrocks: power punk, pop'n'roll, cool enough to overstuff yerself on their sugar-coated candy ride. Saw 'em at Cincinnati's Sudsy's back in the day and they put on a more than ok live show.
Ditchweed is, the dare I say it, arrrrgh, GRUNGY record of the series. Sorry guys, I couldn't resist. No, but seriously, I've been told the production wasn't that great on this record but it still rocks, in a muddy in-the-ditch sort of way. "Tennessee Rider" is a stoner's rock anthem wet dream. There's some white trash genius behind this.
The Whigs lend more than just their name to help out their local scene. Doing a cover of local rockers, Ass Ponys' tune, "Mr. Superlove." The favor is returned by the Pony's cover of The Whigs, "You, My Flower." It's a gem of a disc all around and hopefully, the big sell for the label.
The Sistern 7 incher; it's hypnotic and kinda groovy in a reverby sort of way. It's got strong vocals and well... I like it.
So there, I have not only justified my existence as a grossly underpaid music critic, but I have also paid for all these singles by pluggin' them in this rag. I'll even one-up Mono Cat by givin' you their address in case you should want to check out these singles yourselves, Hell, buy me a beer and I may even give one to yah. (Address Deleted)–Muggsy McMurphy
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